Stop The Ride, I Want To Get Off!

Hello All!  This truly describes how I have been feeling the past couple of days.  So, this past weekend I had some ear pressure/pain and just didn’t feel all that well.  I took it kind of easy and on Sunday I didn’t even get out of my PJs.  Monday & Tuesday I kind of just trudged through my day.  I was having difficulty focusing and just wanted to sleep.  Wednesday morning I got out of bed & caught myself on the dresser.  After a few minutes I thought I was steady & walked to the laundry room to grab some clothes out of the dryer. By the time I reached the laundry room I was clinging to the washing machine trying not to fall.  It literally felt like the entire house was spinning and I was overcome with nausea.  Chris was at the gym and I was just praying that he would get home soon as I knew something wasn’t right.

I basically crawled back to my room and directed the kids to get ready as I sat on the floor trying to make the spinning stop.  When Chris got home, I told him that he needed to take me to the ER and then drop the kids off at school.  I was able to get right back into a room and the doctor was really quick in coming into see me.  They of course asked me a ton of questions & did a very thorough neurological check. This is a time when having nursing knowledge isn’t fun because I knew that he was doing a neuro check to rule out a possible neuro issue (i.e. brain tumor, etc.).  After he was done with the testing he said that he was pretty sure that I had vertigo. That was actually my gut feeling going into the ER.  He told me that he would be sending me directly over to an adjacent building to see a physical therapist. Apparently there is a treatment for some types of vertigo.  I was intrigued as I had never heard of that before.

While I was waiting to be discharged I saw the doc walk back up to the nurse’s station in front of my room.  This is a good time to explain my super keen sense of hearing.  When I say that I have good hearing, that is a major understatement.  I can seriously hear people chewing gum in another room.  Anyhow, even from a good distance where most people would not have heard anything, I heard the doc say to the nurse.

“I just called and ordered a catscan for Room 2 (me).  She has pretty clear signs of vertigo, but I really want to be sure that she doesn’t have anything else going on.” The nurse said “Like a tumor?”  to which the doc replied “Exactly.”

Ok…at this point I was concerned.  Chris was sitting in the room with me and I did not want him to be alarmed.  You see, Chris hadn’t heard any of that conversation because he hears like most normal people do.  I’m serious when I say I have “freakish hearing ability”.  The doc walked back into my room and told me that he was going to go ahead and have me get a CT done and he would come back in and give me the results before I left. (All I could think was “UMMM…you’d better!)

I got into the room, got onto the table, and closed my eyes.  I then prayed this very specific prayer:

“Lord, I know you hold everything in your hands!  You are the great physician and healer.  Lord you know my heart and know that I do NOT want to have a tumor, but Lord if this is YOUR will I will accept that.  Lord I pray that if you want me to walk this road that you will hold me up, use this situation for your glory, & that you will give Chris absolute peace & comfort.  Lord, I do not fear death for you overcame death.  I do long to see my girls grow up & I want to make sure that they will be ok. Lord I pray that whatever the outcome, you will use me and that I will be open to whatever direction you have for my life.  That my answer will be Yes Lord, no matter what the question is.”

And about the time I was done praying, the test was over.  It was that fast.  When I got back to my room I was not anxious at all.  I truly believe that the Lord calmed my spirit.  About 15 minutes later the doctor stopped by and said that everything looked good.  I of course was so relieved.

Some of you might think that my mind jumped ahead to the worst case scenario, but honestly our family has been through so much that my mind just tends to do that.  My sister was diagnosed with breast cancer at age 30 and a little over 2 years ago my father-in-law passed away from brain cancer.  I walked that rocky road with my sister and that dark road I walked with my husband and his family is not one that I would wish on anyone.  You see my thoughts were not on myself, as I know without a shadow of a doubt that whenever the Lord chooses to call me home, that I will spend eternity in heaven with Him because I chose Him as my Lord and Savior. My thoughts were on those that would be left here on earth to endure the pain of losing a wife, mother, daughter, granddaughter, sister, aunt, cousin & friend.  The thought of THAT is almost unbearable.

I know that I could die tomorrow and I don’t want to ever leave anything unspoken. I want to live each day to the fullest.  I want to spread joy and love.  I want my family to know that I love and appreciate them.  I don’t ever want them to question that!

Be thankful for each day & live every day with intention!

Make it a great one!